This space hasn�t been very funny lately, has it? It�s a cryin� shame, it really is. People want the funny. I want to deliver. Give the people what they want, that�s my motto. Unless the people want me to give them my last beer. In that case, my motto is �Get your own damn beer, this one�s mine, jerkface!� (it�s a tough motto, but one that has pulled me through some tough, beer-less times, and I live by it). But other than that, your wish is my command.
Disclaimer: Wishes may not actually be granted. Offer void on Earth and its sovereign territories. Wishing may result in disillusionment, bitterness and anger. And an itchy rash. Consult your doctor before wishing. Gerrybuilt and its management are not responsible for any damages or material losses due to lack of wish fulfillment. Seriously, you don�t want this rash, it burns also. Wishes for entertainment purposes only. Any actual wish fulfillment is strictly coincidental. Did I mention it�s really itchy? Well, it is.

Speaking of wish fulfillment, would someone please throw this girl a bone? Thank you. As I said, I live to serve.

And we�re as long as we�re spreading the love, and itchy rashes, this fair lady could use some love as well. I actually heard this Bruce Springsteen song today, and I like it better her way.

And now, on to more serious topics. Farts and dick jokes! Oh, dammit, I�m sorry about that. Let me start again�

What�s with the trend of making it illegal to smoke in bars and restaurants? I hate smoking as much as the next indignant asshole, but is a law the best solution? I mean, if people really want non-smoking bars so much, doesn�t it follow that any bar that banned smoking voluntarily would get swamped with business? And wouldn�t it then follow that every other bar would ban smoking also in order to compete? Did that happen? No. So I guess people like smoking in bars. So why does the government want to take away smoking in bars?

Sure, for health reasons. But everyone who applied for a job in that smoky bar knew that they were taking a smoky job in a smoky bar when they smoky smoke smoked. And you know what else goes on in a bar that�s unhealthy? Drinking! The sweet consumption of adult beverages amongst like-minded friends and compatriots. Is that going to be next?

�Then they came for me,
and by that time there was no one
left to speak up for me.�
- Rev. Martin Niemoller

I�ve been reading about a lot of incidents of political correctness lately, and sometimes I think that certain elements won�t be happy until everyone is dressed in canvas sacks, sitting around a blank room, expressing kind wishes to each other. Except then even that will have to stop because someone felt excluded from the wishes, and everyone will just have sit there silently and itch. (Because of the sacks and the wishing. Don�t say you weren�t warned.)