As I was making dinner tonight, the phone rang. Thinking it might be friends inviting me out to the bar, I answer and was greeted by that tell-tale second of silence.

Damn. Telemarketer.

A lot goes through your mind in that second. If I hang up now, I won�t hear him. It�ll be like nobody was there, no guilt. But wait. Ever since I signed up for the �Pennsylvania Do-Not-Call List�, the telemarketing calls have almost dried up. What if it�s important? Maybe it�s the electric company calling to say they haven�t received my check. Or the cable company. You don�t want to lose cable do you? (shudder) Maybe I should�

�Gerry?�

Too late! �Yes?�, I answer tentatively.

�Your State Representative Mike Sturla wanted me to call you and let you know that his office is available to help you with blah blahity blah blah blah��

This was stunning. Here I thought I had gotten rid of telemarketing calls, thanks to the Pennsylvania State Legislature, and now who�s calling me? My Pennsylvania State Legislator! Auuurgh!

I shouldn�t have been surprised. Politicians always exempt themselves from the laws they pass for everyone else. But I was so shocked that I actually hung on through his spiel. I�m sure Mr. Sturla thought he was just being helpful by having his lackeys notify me of the services he provides. But that�s the same reasoning the credit card companies used to interrupt my dinner. �I�m sure if Gerry only knew of our wonderful company, he�d thank us for invading his privacy, if only for the opportunity to be associated with us!� Think again, Brainiac.

I actually met Mike Sturla once. I had a second job working at Sears part-time in the computer department. Mr. Sturla walked by and looked at some of the computers. I offered to help him (much as he was now offering to help me!). He sort of grunted, and walked off. My impression of him ever since has been �Mike Sturla: Eh, kind of a dick.�

But the best part was yet to come. After finishing telling me about all of the government assistance that Mr. Sturla could help me apply for, the caller asked if I had an Email address so that Mr. Sturla could send me more information. This is balls. To solicit by phone for an Email address to spam.

�I�er..uh�� I suddenly came to my senses. �No!� (click!)

So not only am I paying for all of these government assistance programs, but now I�m also paying to have someone call me and encourage me to apply for them. Shouldn�t we be discouraging people from asking for government hand-outs? I guess not, if you get political power from handing out my money.

(An interesting side note: the co-worker spent most shifts with while I worked at Sears is now on death row. I have got to write about that here someday�)