As I was making dinner tonight, the phone rang. Thinking it might be friends inviting me out to the bar, I answer and was greeted by that tell-tale second of silence.

Damn. Telemarketer.

A lot goes through your mind in that second. If I hang up now, I won’t hear him. It’ll be like nobody was there, no guilt. But wait. Ever since I signed up for the “Pennsylvania Do-Not-Call List”, the telemarketing calls have almost dried up. What if it’s important? Maybe it’s the electric company calling to say they haven’t received my check. Or the cable company. You don’t want to lose cable do you? (shudder) Maybe I should…

“Gerry?”

Too late! “Yes?”, I answer tentatively.

“Your State Representative Mike Sturla wanted me to call you and let you know that his office is available to help you with blah blahity blah blah blah…”

This was stunning. Here I thought I had gotten rid of telemarketing calls, thanks to the Pennsylvania State Legislature, and now who’s calling me? My Pennsylvania State Legislator! Auuurgh!

I shouldn’t have been surprised. Politicians always exempt themselves from the laws they pass for everyone else. But I was so shocked that I actually hung on through his spiel. I’m sure Mr. Sturla thought he was just being helpful by having his lackeys notify me of the services he provides. But that’s the same reasoning the credit card companies used to interrupt my dinner. “I’m sure if Gerry only knew of our wonderful company, he’d thank us for invading his privacy, if only for the opportunity to be associated with us!” Think again, Brainiac.

I actually met Mike Sturla once. I had a second job working at Sears part-time in the computer department. Mr. Sturla walked by and looked at some of the computers. I offered to help him (much as he was now offering to help me!). He sort of grunted, and walked off. My impression of him ever since has been “Mike Sturla: Eh, kind of a dick.”

But the best part was yet to come. After finishing telling me about all of the government assistance that Mr. Sturla could help me apply for, the caller asked if I had an Email address so that Mr. Sturla could send me more information. This is balls. To solicit by phone for an Email address to spam.

“I…er..uh…” I suddenly came to my senses. “No!” (click!)

So not only am I paying for all of these government assistance programs, but now I’m also paying to have someone call me and encourage me to apply for them. Shouldn’t we be discouraging people from asking for government hand-outs? I guess not, if you get political power from handing out my money.

(An interesting side note: the co-worker spent most shifts with while I worked at Sears is now on death row. I have got to write about that here someday…)